Ya’lls. I is sorry.
I is so so sorry.
This is my dog Mr. Henry. Forgive us please.
I know I said I would be a dedicated blogger in return for your devoted reading BUT I haven’t blogged in over a week so I guess I’m just a big fat liar.
Well not fat because I don’t have time to eat, much less blog.
BUH LE ME SPLAIN.
In the ten months that I have been in L.A. I’ve had a good many jobs. That’s just how it works out here. You give up the security of a salaried nine to five when you decide to make the moving pictuahs! Or even the televised pictuahs!
Literally werking it...from 9 to 5...just trying to make a living...
SING IT WITH ME YA'LL
I completely understand what I gave up. And, really, what are benefits and time off and job security and peace of mind knowing you have a job tomorrow and co-workers that become friends after working together for so long and a clear and defined ladder of success to climb and lots and lots of money, anyways? Right?
As fun as this looks...
Look at all I’ve gained!
Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream? Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some dreams come true, some don't; but keep on dreamin' - this is Hollywood. Always time to dream, so keep on dreamin'.
- Pretty Woman
No, I did not just use Pretty Woman as a reference point to tell you I have gained a “client list.” Per usual we are talking dreams coming true.
Sorry to disappoint. Is not a hooker.
RATHER, I’ve recently been brought on as an assistant on a cable talk show that will air for the first time in April.
And I love it.
I literally get paid to research, share and fill my head with as much pop culture and entertainment knowledge possible. As in I get the Mr. Benjamins for reading the tabloids.
Yo, is this real life?
NO ONE ANSWER THAT QUESTION. PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESSES DO NOT NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE.
I look up trending topics, celebrity couple news, hot topics, television news, etc.
Granted I probably know too much about the 2k12 Kardashian Flour Bombing Incident. And I get over 60 ‘news flash’ emails a day that are usually just telling me something ridiculous like how it’s recently been revealed that Gwyneth Paltrow has never farted in her life or Miley Cyrus ‘accidentally’ tweeted a picture of herself ‘accidentally’ smoking pot again. But whatever.
These crazy things called "camera phones" exists. Beware.
Oh just shut up.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, while looking up all this shiz is real fun, I also get enough time to write on the side….and at the end of the day, having fun and having time to write is all that matters.
Win win.
Maybe one day I’ll even be just like E.L. James!
What do you mean you don’t know who E.L. James is? Seriously? Author of best selling trilogy, ’50 Shades of Grey’? You don’t know this?
GET. WITH. IT.
Read it but pretend that you didn't get the recommendation from me because then every time you think of me you will think of how I recommend soft core porn and that's going to be awkward.
Yeah, so its kinda sorta soft core porn/erotica but that’s neither here nor there.
Just a side note. I keep typing soft corn pore on accident. You can continue to think that I recommend soft corn pore to you instead of soft core porn because THAT is amusing.
POINT IS: E. L. James is a television executive who wrote a best selling trilogy on the side THEN she sold the film rights for kazillions of Mr. Benjamins in El Lay. What a bad ass. I dream that dream. Minus the soft core porn (Or the soft corn pore for that matter).
So I am writing and tabloiding and Oh! I am learning so much about the ‘industry.’ I’ve got some great role models as bosses, which I think qualifies as a Happy-Birthday-Jesus-Miracle in Hollywood because bosses out here are usually major ass holes. MAYJAH.
Thank you, Posh Spice, for your contribution to my vernacular. I am being completely sincere. I've done great things with your use of the word "may-jah" since you introduced it to me. I think you would be proud. May-jahly proud.
Anyway, life is good.
And now prepare yourself for the most vain thing I am ever going to say…
And, let’s be honest, I’ve said some pretty vain shit so you are really going to need to prepare yourself…
Soon, you will see me on the televisions. As in I’m in the show. Which is cool and all but can we like instagram filter or picturebeautifyapp or skinny arm that shit?
I did not master the skinny arm. Am jealous.
Don’t kid yourselves. You know what I’m talking about. I do it. You do it. And god knows the media has been doing it right under our noses for twenty plus years.
I want to be photo-shopped.
I’ll even take some sepia toning for goodness sakes. Anything really to compensate for the fluorescent lighting/witchcraftery that certainly did NOTHING to help me for the 5 seconds of screen time I will have.
But why?
Fluorescent lighting does not bode well.
I am so scared.
W
