Tag Archives: Hollywood

Girl on Girls: How HBO’s ‘Girls’ Cured My Saturday Morning Moral Hangover (Review)

June 14, 2012 By in People, Real Life, Superstar, Television Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I’ll preface the ridiculousness that is about to unfold just by saying that I know its ridiculous and you should know that for the most part I am ridiculous. In general if you are reading my blag you should just go into every post prepared for the ridic.

You know what else is ridiculous? Lena Dunham and all her success at the ripe age of 26. I wanted so badly to hate her and I really tried to hate her, too. Obviously it was hate (or attempted hate) born out of jealousy over the fact that she is ‘making it’ as the creator, executive producer and star of her own television show, Girls.

Bitter, much? Yes.

HBO Girls Lena Dunham Promotional Poster

But try and fail, I cannot hate Lena. How could I after seeing her show that, in my humble opinion as a 20 something broke yet inspired creative young thing, speaks so well to the generation of 20 something broke yet inspired creative young things?

Quick turn around, right? Let’s rewind.

The hate stopped this weekend and definitely turned into love when I finally sat down and watched Girls. After a Friday night where I spent a good chunk of my rent check on tablespoon sized helpings of cocktails “crafted by mixologists” at a overrated bar that severely underwhelmed but where poor decisions ensued, I spent all of Saturday in bed eating greasy food and nursing both an alcohol gifted hangover as well as a moral hangover.

I’m not saying but I’m saying…think this kind of crowd for my Friday night.

But don’t you guys worry about judging me because I totally got that covered and am already judging myself enough for all of us.

While hiding from greater society on Saturday I decided to watch some online TV until I could fall asleep and start anew on Sunday.

First I watched Dawson’s Creek season four for about five episodes but then cut that short because I couldn’t handle watching Katie Holmes’s mouth move any more (Anybody else? Katie Homes- weirdest talker ever or weirdest talker ever?).

No, I’m sorry, she never stops with the weird talking thing. Just try to get over it.

And then I finally succumbed. All my friends had been talking about how great Girls is for weeks and, out of bitter jealousy, I had been vehemently preaching against the show and Lena Dunham and all her stupid success for weeks. But now, alone and in the privacy of my hangover cave, I decided to watch the first episode and see what the fuss was about. Then I watched the second episode and every episode after that because I could not. stop. watching.

And just like that my moral hangover was abated by my new friends Hannah, Marnie, Jessa and Shoshanna. They comforted me. I’m totes not alone in this 23 year old not always making great decisions thing (True, I guess I sorta already knew that but this was just particularly affirming). It was like someone else was there in my hangover cave telling me, “yo kid, its okay. We are young and we make mistakes but more importantly we are out there doin’ it big.”

AND OF COURSE  of course of course watching Girls inspires one to pull the old SATC game and pick which character we are most like (i.e. I’m a Carrie, you’re a Charlotte and, you slut, are a Miranda).

Don’t worry, I won’t hate.

“I think I am definitely most like Marnie because we have the same put together fashion sense and are really hard workers BUT I do not have her weird commitment issues.”

Herrrrrrro Type-A!

“I’m super friendly and easy to talk to like Shoshanna BUT less naïve.”

Super excited for whats in store for Shoshanna.

“I am such a Jessa! Such a free spirit, creative and out there and can relate to all the other girls at the same time BUT I’m not as lost as she is.”

Have mixed feelings of envy and concern towards Jessa.

“I’m like Hannah in that we are both aspiring writers but OBVIOUSLY I am not flawed with her people pleasing insecurities.”

Yo gurl, don’t let anyone pee on you in the shower.

BUT GALS. I don’t think Girls is really all that much like the SATC game in that you can’t really only be ONE of the girls of Girls. In fact, Girls gets it so good that I am now of the opinion that Hannah, Marnie, Jessa and Soshanna COLLECTIVELY represent the spirit animal of twenty something inspired but broke creative young thangs  across the nation—all trying to find success in their passions AND ALSO trying to have some resemblance of a social life AND ALSO trying to pay rent.

Do you think Spirit Animals are kinda like Patronus (Patroni?)? I do!

I for one think I’m some weird combination of all dem girls. I like to tell myself I have all of their strengths but I know the truth is I probably more likely have all of their flaws. Like I said, its a collective spirit animal smorgasbord. Point is, they’re pretty real-life-ish and pretty relatable-ish and Lena Dunham & co nailed it. Just give it a shot if you haven’t already. Besides, spirit animals are totally in right now.

So by the time I passed out on Saturday it was already infinitely better than my Friday. But you wanna know what was even better? My Sunday morning. Why? Because I dreamed about Adam from Girls.

I’m not going to get into the actual dream BECAUSE NOW YOU CAN READ IT ON HELLO GIGGLES. AHAHGHGHGGHGHGGHHHHH.

I’ve always dreamed of writing for and being involved with something great like Hello Giggles and NOW I AM so dreams really do come true. That being said, I now expect Adam from Girls to weld me a table in real life just like he did in this crazy dream. CHECK IT OUT, YA’LL.

Moral of the story- sometimes a gal needs a night eating greasy food and watching Girls by herself. And those kinds of Saturday nights are much better than Friday nights drinking overpriced Thumbelina sized cocktails.

Also clear? No reason to be jealous of Lena. Girlfriend is good at making television and at deceiving me into thinking four characters on television are my real life friends (okay that part is depressing).

Betches vs. Botches and the Invention of ‘Dioria’

April 10, 2012 By in People, Real Life Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Last night I entertained another gentleman and I got paid for it.

Sick of my references to prostitution? Yes, I am aware that I have alluded to or flat out mentioned the sport of whoring oneself out in the past three posts and you guys are probably starting to worry about me and why I find this so amusing. Sorry, I think its just a phase. And I’ll try to come up with some new material.

I was going to attempt cleverness by Face In Hole-ing myself over that of a prostitutes (again). So I Google searched 'prostitute.' I HIGHLY recommend no one follow in my footsteps. A dismembered torso WILL appear as one of the top results. So as to remember that there is joy and happiness and love in the world, I have provided you with this Face In Hole masterpiece. Me as a baby as a bunny.

I also think using this picture for every single Face In Hole is a phase. Bear with me.

Now let’s climb out of the tangent adventure my mind just wandered through and get back to the point…

Last night I entertained a gentleman and I got paid for it. He was 6 months old and this form of entertainment is conventionally called “babysitting.”

We watched Downton Abbey, I explained the drama behind the Lady Mary/Cousin Matthew relationship, we both suspected underlying love currents between Hughes and Carson and then he pooped himself.

All around good time.

It's okay, the gentleman baby I babysat last night didn't believe me either when I told him I'm Lady Mary's on set stand in/body double.

So the next thing I am about to say is going to be pretty gross, maybe even more gross then talking about a dismembered prostitute torso…

I was so busy working a ten hour day THEN babysattin’ for three more hours that I totally forgot to eat. So when leaving my babysitting employers’ home at 11:00PM, I went to the closest open food establishment I could find…

Taco. Bell.

I don't feel so good.

OBVIOUSLY, it was probably the worst decision I made all week (so far) to go to Taco Bell.

Let me paint you a picture…

I pull into the T-Bell parking lot with the intention of ordering from the ‘healthy and fresh’ menu. I pull out of the T-Bell parking lot with a Dorito Nacho Cheese taco AS WELL AS A Cheesy Gordita Crunch in hand.

Stop lying to yourself. You know you're curious too.

I drive to a dark and secluded corner of a CVS parking lot assured that there are PLENTY of spots real close to the front door so SURELY no one will pull up next to me/witness my taco indiscretions.

One time Britney Spears got caught eating Taco Bell in her car. So I know better.

I enjoy the Dorito taco in privacy and by enjoy I mean I’m convinced I’m facing certain death as soon as the first morsel of that chemically enhanced cardboard hits my stomach.

DON'T FRET COOL RANCH COMING SOON: The big news about the premiere of the Cool Ranch taco was leaked when someone snagged a picture of these taco assembly directions. SUMMER 2K12, YA'LL.

Five seconds later and still alive, I move on to some more familiar territory– the Cheesy Gordita Crunch.

The greatest gift chemical scientists ever gave us.

So swept up in the magic of Taco Bell, I fail to notice the black Mercedes two door convertible that has pulled into the spot next to me…or the two blonde bitches who just got out of said Mercedes and who are now gaping at me.

Yes, GAPING, at the fat girl in her own little Taco Bell heaven.

Praying to the T-Bell Gods, not okay?

NO.

I throw my car into reverse and haul ass out of that parking lot in a flurry of embarrassment. Eternal “lettuce”, plastic “cheese” product and Purina dog food disguised as T-Bell meat go flying.

Needless to say my car DOES NOT smell like roses right now.

I’m sure the black Mercedes bitches stopped gaping long enough to laugh at me but I’m too embarrassed to even check the rear view mirror.

J'adore being laughed at...

After the frenzy I re-asses the situation…

Why do I have taco flavored edible byproduct all over my beautiful employee discounted clothing (see cashmere trenches references in previous posts)?

And why do I care what those skinny Mercedes driving bitches think? After all, they were the ones wearing sunglasses at night. IN FACT not only were they wearing sunglasses at night but in general they were soooooo ELLLLLL LAY.

Did I mention I really like your matching fedoras? Oh wait.

Vomit…and not just because of the Taco Bell.

These girls. Oh, these girls.

Nope.

But then I thought about it more and I realized as annoying these girls were I COULD have some fun with this…

Familiar at all with the “betch”? Well if you are not, betches basically own the culture movement of young, good looking, well dressed, smart, hardworking and slightly ridiculous females speaking their minds, setting trends and making you feel insecure while doing it. They congregate mostly on the East Coast with New York being their Mecca.

For more funformation visit the always entertaining, Betches Love This Site. It’s where betches “take a break from thinking about themselves long enough to write it down.” And FOR THAT, I OBVIOUSLY have mad respect for them.

Sometimes scary. Always entertaining.

These sunglasses wearing, Mercedes driving, LA girls? Not so much.

These are the kind of El Lay girls that you love to hate. Compliment them on how skinny and tan they are. and they’ll claim they were born that way. Ask them about their favorite music and they’ll spout out Urban Outfitter’s current playlist. Try to find out what they do for a living and they’ll tell you all about their “career” as an aspiring actress or model.

Courtney Stodden is obviously already the best actress of our generation. You others might as well just give up now.

Well, Imma go ahead and call bullshit on all that, well, bullshit. We all know your double zero boy body came from your bout with anorexia and eating air. You know every lyric to every song Top 40 song and Katy Perry’s ‘California Girls’ is your anthem (which is fine, but you just need to own that shit). You graduated high school and forwent the whole college thing so that you could chase that fame. Are you talented? Probably not. Are you smart? Definitely not. And your favorite accessory? Fedora.

FFFEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDOOOOOOORAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.

These girls bother me deep down at my core. Why? Because the aren’t betches. They don’t speak their minds, they speak trends. Granted, they know what is hot and happening and the next big thing but that stuff isn’t of their own creation and beyond that they got nothing. Stupid. So stupid, in fact, and my opinion is so low of this group of females that I have renamed them botches because they totally botched the whole being the West Coast version of the betch thing.

This is me being mean, I know, BUT I just got caught eating Taco Bell in my car. Alone.

How the hell would you feel?

B and I both know. Fun to eat it. Not fun getting caught.

So to go a step further and try to feel better I just created a ridiculously off the wall character version of the botch. Her name is Tammy but she goes by Dioria so don’t you dare call her Tammy, damnit.

"J'adore myself." - Dioria
(J'dioria?)

Tammy/Dioria hails from Ohio but if you ask her she’ll say she has been living in LA for as long as she can remember (3 years). You can find her at all the hottest spots; brunch at Toast, dinner at STK, drinks at SUR (not actually eating, of course). Her end goal? SoHo House.

I imagined a scenario in which Dioria (botch) and a real life NYC betch meet. Dioria immediately feels the need to justify her El Lay life being better than any old betch’s in chilly New York.

Dioria flips hair, is getting visibly worked up. NYC betch calmly anticipates the entertainment about to be bestowed on her by way of a botch attempting to make an intelligent argument/use the English language.

Dioria begins…

“Just this morning, as you New Yorkers bundled up and set out to fight the blistering cold, I was still sleeping in my cozy bed thanks to that three hour time difference and when I did eventually wake up I had a tough time deciding between wearing my short shorts or my really short shorts. But for the record, I chose my short shorts because no one likes a trashy hoe, at least before noon anyway. Also for the record, it wasn’t my bed but I always have fun at Chateau sleepovers with dudes I just met.

Botches feel the need to simultaneously wear short shorts and beanies. Why, botch?

As you waited in a very long Starbucks line trying not to breathe through your nose due to the foul smells emitting from the man in front of you, I sang along to Carly Rae Jespen’s “Call Me Maybe” with the windows rolled down and breezed through a drive thru Starbucks line to pick up an iced latte…extra ice, betch.

CALI-FORN-YAH GURLS WE'RE UNDENIABLE.

As you used a drug store kit to dye your hair dark brown because you just can’t afford to get your hair highlighted anymore and because the darker hue so obviously matches your gloomy city mood, a very nice woman in Korea Town re-glued in my blonde extensions for ten bucks.

Jealous of my pink Bentley, you betch? You don't even DRIVE in NYC. I get to sit in my pink Bentley for HOURS everyday.
Wait.

And finally, as you walked forty blocks then took the subway, started walking again, began freezing to death, hopped on another subway, walked again, got so cold you wanted to cry but couldn’t because your tearducts froze over so finally gave in and paid a cab upwards of seven thousand dollars to take you the remaining three blocks to a club where you no doubt paid upwards of seven thousand more dollars for half a shot of Taaka disguised as Goose and therefore weren’t drunk enough to pretend you actually like house music…

Don't be fooled these betches make it look easy...

I walked from my adorable West Hollywood apartment ($600 a month for rent, just saying) to Sunset where I went to a pool party on the top floor of some ridiculous hotel, rubbed elbows with Shia LeBouef, scored VIP wrist bands to Coachella just for making out with some music industry a-hole and drank three dollar cranberry vodkas until I was drunk enough (only fifteen minutes after I got there due to my recent bout with anorexia/my new air only diet) to jump in the pool naked.

Don't talk to me, Shia. Just stand there and look pretty/pouty.

Alright, so I’m lying about that last part, drinks are at least twelve bucks each but at least I can say that although I paid forty dollars to be only sorta tipsy, Kanye got on stage and drunkenly rap about how much he hates Blue Ivy because now Yonce and HOV have a little less room in their hearts for him, and he hates sharing but he saw my boobs so whatever.”

"Imma let you finish but this LA Botch had one of the best sets of boobs of all time..."

………………………………………..

While Dioria is so proud of herself, NYC Betch recognizes she just wasted 5 minutes of her life listening to that.

And you just wasted 3 minutes of your life reading that.

And all of this over Taco Bell.

You’re welcome.

Next time I’ll save all of our time and just eat my Taco Bell out in the open. I’ll learn to be Taco Bell Proud. My stomach will still hate me though. Its a win-lose anyway you look at it.

W

Female (23), Seeking Other Half of Future Power Couple

March 12, 2012 By in People Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Like I’ve said before, part of the thrill of living in Hollywood is not knowing what’s coming next.

Plan and flow chart and diagram and diary and powerpoint your “plan” for success all you want, but its just not gunna happen.

GRANTED I dream and wishfully think about things going a certain way BUT I know better than to think there is a clear cut path or someone’s footsteps I need to follow to get where I want to go.

For example, I have mad respect for Diablo Cody. As previously mentioned, she is one of my idols and I wishfully dream of one day winning an Oscar for screenwriting as homegirl did for Juno in 2008…but I wouldn’t/couldn’t necessarily follow her exact footsteps.

Couldn't find Diablo so I Face-In-Holed Mo'Nique instead.

Back in the day when Diabs was first getting her write on she, too, had to find a secondary source of monies. While I choose to do so by venturing out into the wide world of retail, Ms. Cody chose to do so by exotic dancing. As in stripping. As in Naked. As in seedy men made it rain on that hoe.

More recently Diablo has stayed clothed.

Fun fact, she rose to fame because of her blog chronicling her stint as a stripper. Then she wrote a book about it. Good, albeit strange, read.

Love yah to death and mad props for showing off your birthday suit, Ms. Cody, but I just don’t think I could strip because obviously I would be the most beautiful and best dancer and all the men would request me and my beauty and talents would put the other girls out of work because the clients wouldn’t want anyone but me and I just don’t have the heart to let all those girls get fired.

Mental Image not necessary. I did that part for you. THIS is EXACTLY what I would look like as a stripper.

So back to the main idea. I’m not trying to be a carbon copy of my idols BUT if we were to play the scenario game (we are now playing the scenario game) and someone (Oprah) was holding a gun to my head and was all like “RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE A FEMALE POWER COMEDIAN WRITER PERSON’S FOOTSTEPS TO FOLLOW. SAY SOMEONE OR I SHOOT YOUR EAR OFF.” I would say…

Amy Poehler.

"Who, me?"

Why?

Because of her magical SNL career? Her success as a artiste in the moving pictuahs? Her envious current job as executive producer and lead actress of her own TV show, Parks and Recreation? Or perhaps because she created the best character to ever exist in prime time television– SNL childstar, Kaitlin (alongside Horatio Sanz as Rick Rick Rick Rick RIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCKKKKK)?!

Amy as Kaitlin for SNL.

Nope.

It’s because of Will Arnett. He is hot. He is funny. She is hot. She is funny. They are married.

Just stop. I can't handle the level of adorable going on right here.

Forget Brad and Angelina and their miniture version of the UN.

CLEARLY the best Hollywood power couple EVER is Will Arnett and Amy Poehler.

So in love. (Photo by Eric Charbonneau/Le Studio/WireImage)

Complete with the cutest children on the planet, Archibald  ”Archie” and Abel Arnett.

Best I could find but just trust...its an ideal situation.

Just imagine what it’s like in their home. Do they just make each other laugh all day erry day?

I bet so.

It's almost too good to be true.

I want to follow your footsteps, Amy.

I want my own version of Will Arnett. I’d even pop some kiddies out of the oven if I can get some sort of guarantee that they would be as adorable as Archie and Abel.

However, at least one of said future children MUST be a ginger like Archie.

Amy holds Abel, left. Archie does his own thing, right.

So here we go…

Young caucasian female (23) seeks one Will Arnett look alike. Must haves: sense of humor, genetic predisposition to have ginger babies, penchance to change octaves mid word every word (see Mr. Arnett’s voice), affinity for spray tans (see Mr. Arnett’s skin), big dreams bigger heart (for reals).

Simple.

Let’s do this.

W

Worth it for a Weird Bird

March 9, 2012 By in Superstar, Television Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Since I moved out here more than one person has warned me that I shouldn’t let LA change me. Very omnimously too. Like I’m grabbing coffee with Senator Palpatine or I’m about to go on a date with Dracula and I’ll be enticed to the dark side.

Dracula is ALWAYS fun to reference because the love interest is named Wilhelmina. You know, to this day, vampires hit on me just because I share that name. Weird.

Don’t sweat it, peeps.

I’m still just as much the weird bird now as I ever was and you guys should know better than to think that this personality could be changed…or even helped. Just today I googled the traits of Aspergers and I’m pretty sure I’m about 20 years and one major diagnosis too late for any real help.

If anything I’m probably just a bit more all over the place then I was before because, as previously mentioned, I’m super busy trying to make ‘that paper.’ You see, semi-unfortunately, I chose a career in an industry that cost millions and pays millions and makes millions but only if you’re at the top and I’m like below the bottom of the bottom. So besides my job in “the industry,” I also have a job in the business of folding cashmere. Real life retail. But that still doesn’t add up to much money and once a month rent takes most of my earnings THEN also sucks away a piece of my soul.

Rent. Soul sucking Dementor. Same thing.

But it’s cool breeze, one day I’ll be giving my Oscar speech and I’ll say, “people currently below the bottom of the bottom, I was once in your shoes and I know what it’s like, so persevere because I’m mega rich now.” By the way, I’m going to be winning the Oscar for best adapted screenplay OF MY OWN NOVEL.

Set your Tivos for Oscars 2017-ish or maybe 2022-ish…

The Future

I have to say my parents are like THE. BEST. and are totally supportive of me chasing that dream BUT I don’t like the idea of asking them for monies all the time and therefore being a spoiled little bitch.

So that’s why I have more than one job and now my parents and Destiny’s Child can be proud that I am an independent woman and subsequently throw my hands up in the air because I can pay them bills bills bills (too far on the references, I know).

Beyonce and her back up singers call upon all of us to be independent women.

There is only one thing that is pretty uniquely LA that I have allowed to ‘change’ my way of thinking. Life expectancy.

LA has led me to believe I’m at infant status out here and I have a plenty of time to do what I want.

Real Time Self Portrait.

Let me explain.

First things first, if you don’t know, I am not just an enthusiast of the word “ya’ll,” rather the word has been a part of my vernacular from an early age because I’m from the south. Like the south south. Like cajun country south Louisiana south.

My mother recently sent me this picture after a rousing hunt in South Louisiana.

You’re totally just realizing that Britney and I are statemates and now you’re a super green envy monster, aren’t you?

OMG Britney, we totes have matching lily white southern Louisiana asses so that makes us BFFs.

So anyway, in the South big time life things happen at a different pace than they do out here, or that’s what the Facebook tells me anyway.

I’ve been pretty consistently following the same routine. I go to work(s) THEN I go home, shower, get in bed and read myself my favorite bedtime story– my Facebook newsfeed.

I’ve noticed trends in newsfeed happenings.

Sometimes the big news is from a friend back home who is my age: there is an engagement or everyone is congratulating an acquaintance from high school on her pregnancy or a college friend bought their first home.

Sometimes the big news is from a LA friend who is my age: they ran into a B-list celeb in the bathroom, they’re ranting about traffic or they got promoted from assistant of the assistant to just assistant…but usually they’re ranting about traffic.

Stark contrast.

Is bad. We know.

Almost every time I’ve had a conversation with someone out here about what I ultimately want to do they always say, “you’re so young” or “you have plenty of time.”

Meanwhile, I’m like, “dude, have you checked out YOUR Facebook newsfeed lately?!” People my age are making major life decisions and the biggest decision I made today was whether I wanted red or white Two-Buck-Chuck at Trader Joe’s.

Two Dollar Charles.

And while I’m all like congratzies on the minature versions of yourselves and on your promotion from assistant assistant to assistant, alike, I’m also all like huh? There are some major discrepancies between LA and the rest of America and that’s kind of whack.

I was having one particularly anxiety ridden day this past Saturday. Amidst folding and stacking paisley printed capris I was doing some deep thinking and so as not to be disturbed I attempted to disguise my employee status and blend in with the customers by occasionally holding the clothing up against my body as if pondering the fit.

Thoughts:

  • Why would anybody buy these pants?
  • Why am I here when my friends are day drinking?
  • Did the dog in that lady’s purse just poop or does she just smell that bad?
  • Why are people I graduated with making $100,000 a year being investment bankers while I’m making $10 an hour trying to explain to a lady that she just isn’t a size 4?
  • Please don’t ask me to help you.
  • Please don’t ask me to help you.
  • Please don’t ask me to help you.

“Excuse me, do you work here?”

Foiled.

After a long pause in which I consider lying or pretending that I don’t speak English I reluctantly answer in the affirmative (in English) and begin to help this red-headed lady and her blonde friend.

The redhead had a LARGE return and was making a LARGE purchase so we were about to spend some quality time together at the register because that kind of transaction takes forevs. As I diligently began ringing up the order the two of them (who were so obviously best friends) started joking around and I think I hear one of them quote an episode of Fox’s freshman hit show, “New Girl.”

So I ask.

“Did you just quote New Girl?”

“No, but it’s funny you should mention that…” the blonde says then makes eye contact with her red-headed bff before looking back at me quizzically.

What? Why is that funny? Are they laughing at me? What are they saying to one another with their eyes? THEY ARE TALKING WITH THEIR EYES!

Am I the one that smells like poop?

“It’s just we have a friend that works on the show,” the redhead chimes in.

“Ugh! I don’t even know your friend but I am SO jealous. I would love to work for Liz Meriwether. You know who Liz Meriwether is, right?”—

I do not pause at this point as normal, socially adjusted humans would.

“Liz Meriwether is AMAZING. She is a young female screenwriting genius who created, writes, and directs New Girl and she has written big studio movies and she is part of this all female power posse group called The Fempire with Diablo Cody and these other two geniuses whose names I can’t remember right now but they are all so successful and I moved out here to be a writer and I want to be JUST like them when I grow up.”

I stop for a breath and subsequently finally give my listeners time to respond and they do so in the form of introducing themselves to me….

As Dana Fox and Lorene Scafaria, the two other ‘geniuses whose names I couldn’t remember.’

Fantastic.

"The Fempire"; Dana Fox, Diablo Cody, Liz Meriweather and Lorene Scafaria.

They’re best friends. They’re all writers. They’re all successful.

“I adore them and I’m terrified of them,” said Jason Reitman, who directed “Juno.” “There’s so much talent packed in the group. Writing is such a solitary activity. The idea that they have each other is quite lovely. When I think of the four of them together, writing, of course I’m jealous.” (via The New York Times)

Right you are, Reitman. I too am jealous and in awe and fascinated and inspired.

Think: Juno, Young Adult, United States of Tara, Jennifer’s Body, What Happens In Vegas, Couples Retreat, The Wedding Date, Ned Fox is My Manny, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, Seeking a Friend For the End of the World, New Girl, No Strings Attached.

They’re getting things done.

BUT the best part was THEY. WERE. SO. COOL.

We had an extensive conversation about being a female writer trying to make it out here. They asked me questions, answered mine, gave me advice, but, most importantly, encouraged me to keep on truckin.

AND, surprise, they told me I was young– real young getting started out here and it took them 10 years to get where they are today so don’t give up.

Ya’lls. In 10 years some people my age will have 10 year olds.

In the immortal words of Kanye, “That shit cray.”

I often turn to Kanye and Jay for advice.

I will hopefully have a baby then, too– a screenplay I can love and care for and raise to go out into the world of the moving pictuahs, I tell you!

Nobody said following your dreams to Hollywood would be easy. I knew instability would come with the territory. I knew when I came and still know it is going to take me a long time to do this thing.

BUT I think it will be worth it. I bet The Fempire would say its worth it.

At least I know it was worth folding some premium capri pants to get advice from two fourths of arguably the best and most sought after group of female writers in Hwood today.

………..

And I bet one member of the Fempire in particular would say its worth it when you get to go on laser tag dates with a certain recently divorced dream boat.

When I got home from work the day I met Lorene I saw this picture on a gossip site. Apparently this happened mere hours after our interaction. Word is they're dating. I wonder if she told him that she met one of her fangirls earlier in the day? If so, Ashton and I basically know each other. Yeah. Totes.

Oh gurl.

W

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