This past weekend a fantasy dream of mine happened and I didn’t even force it.

A wealthy gentleman treated me to a one night stay at the Beverly Wilshire hotel and I felt JUST like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

Yes, I know, I have incredibly toned arms. Thank you.

Don’t get ahead of yourselves though. Still is not a hooker.

Not really my thing.

Prostitution aside, it was actually a friend’s birthday and said friend’s family wanted to treat said friend and a friend (me) to a luxurious night at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel where IN FACT the 1990 blockbuster romance Pretty Woman was set. So of course Pretty Woman behavior ensued. Duh.

My new go-to picture ready face. I know what ya'lls are thinking...adorable.

I asked for Barney at concierge, I ordered champagne and strawberries from room service AND I refused to let anyone kiss me on the mouth.

The next morning, continuing the Pretty Woman theme, I walked into the first shop on Rodeo Drive and told the sales associate that she had made a, “big mistake, big, HUGE.”

Funformation: Julia reprises the famous “big mistake” quote twenty years later in Valentines Day.

But apparently that was a totally unoriginal move.

The sales associate just sorta kinda rolled her eyes at me. I felt like I was 8 years old all over again and my older, cooler sister didn’t want to play beanie baby zoo with me. She claimed she was too old for beanie baby zoo and she had better things to do, like watch the Spice Girls and exo facto ruin her innocence. WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST PLAY ALONG, EMILY?!

This isn't getting old yet, right?

Speaking of small, young, beanie baby zoo playing Wilhelmina…

In Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts character, Vivienne, tells Richard Gere’s character, Edward, a story about her childhood. She said that when she was a little girl she would pretend she was a princess, trapped in a tower by a wicked queen and then suddenly a knight on a white horse with these colors flying would come charging up and draw his sword. Young Vivienne would wave and the knight would climb up the tower and rescue her.

It's fun to include white horses in any and all imaginary scenarios.

BUT when I was a little girl I would imagine a Pretty Woman scenario as my fairytale.

A business man falls in love with me over champagne and strawberries in a luxurious hotel. He pays me for a joint venture rendezvous and leaves ONLY to realize that he is in loves with me.

SO THIS WEEKEND WAS BASICALLY THE BEST.

(Again, minus actually being a prostitution whore)

By the way, you is so wise for inventing the phrase "prostitution whore."

But you know what is NOT the best? Richard Gere recently dissing Pretty Woman by saying he has “forgotten it” and that it was just a “silly romantic comedy.“

Wink wink, Ricardo. You were just kidding.

I don’t give a fack what Mr. Perfect Salt And Pepper Hair thinks, I thoroughly enjoyed playing dress up as a pretty pretty princess hooker this weekend AND I still “want the fairytale,” you a-hole.

And I would have stayed for two thousand too.

But no less becoz I like money.

But basically it was a faaaaaabulous weekend and I just had to blag about it.

Blag; Definition: Combination of the words ‘blog’ and ‘brag.’ Bragging via the internets.

It’s, like, what blogs are for…vanity.

Don’t you know anything?

………….

And for no other reason but the love of excess…

Going to see Titanic 3D this week?

Okay, I think this picture game is out of my system now.

W